10 Ways Not to Lose Yourself While Raising Young Children

Written by Christina Antus for Scary Mommy 

 

Over the years, I’ve had to adapt and learn how to maintain who I am while being a wife and a mom. It’s not always easy, especially because everyone else comes before you. As a parent, you are constantly thinking about your children. They are all-consuming in your thoughts, mind, and being. For a small period, you are the only world your kids have, and those are pretty big shoes to fill. You can’t take a break when you want. You can’t pick up a book when a newborn is hungry or ignore a toddler who wants help painting. I mean, you could, but I don’t have to tell you what happens to your brain when a baby doesn’t stop crying. I also don’t have to tell you what happens when you leave a toddler unattended with paint and a brush. 

It can be a lot for a gal (or a guy). It’s hard to fill the needs of others and still have time to fill your own needs. It’s also hard to fill everyone’s needs if you aren’t filling your own. Before you know it, you’re wondering how you ended up here, where that eye twitch came from, and what happened to the person you were before motherhood. Here are a few ways I’ve helped me help myself: 

 

1. Find Interest Groups 

For me, this was social media because I was held hostage for five years of my life by nap times and feeding schedules. It’s easy to access, and you can access it from anywhere. Interest groups let you talk knitting all day with other knitters about knitting things. Sometimes you and these knitters become friends. Sometimes they’re just other knitters you know and talk to. Which is fine, because at the end of the day mohair is mohair, and you all love it. 

 

2. Stay In Touch With Friends 

My offline friends, the people I’ve known for years, are the heart and soul of who I am. These are the people who were there before I sported the smokey eye look — that’s just a reflection of the bags under my eyes. These people are all still around, despite not living in the same state or having kids themselves. They are the family of folks who celebrate me as their friend. Not as a wife, a mother, an appointment maker, or a sticky-spot-on-the-floor-finder. Keeping in touch with these friends can be difficult under the daily demands of life; often there’s lag time between calls — like seven or eight months — but even a text message conversation every week is enough to help me stay in check. 

 

3. Hobby It Up 

For me, this is writing. Writing is the one thing I do that’s mine. It’s not shared. It’s not for anyone else. It’s not an item on my list of things to do. My writing is who I am as a person, my daily life and thoughts expressed and orchestrated in a fun, creative, and real way that serves as both an outlet and something that can fill my “me cup.” I enjoy it so much that even if I only have 10 minutes, it makes me happy. 

4. Leaving Kids With the Spouse To Go Do You 

Sometimes you gotta go away, alone, where no one will call you 47 times in 20 seconds. No one knows you at Target. No one needs your help there. You won’t have to yell quietly at anyone to stop touching things in the bookstore. You know the one where you’re whispering so loud you sound like the air brakes on a semi. Go do you, quietly somewhere. Go have coffee without the need to chase a child out of the employee break room. 

 

5. Use a Babysitter 

I know, I know, easier said than done. On average, you would have better luck finding a gaggle of geese more fit to watch your children than a sitter under $25 an hour. I used to use our rec center child care. It cost me less than $4 for two kids, for one hour. The ladies were nice, the room had toys, and I was sold. An hour doesn’t seem like a lot of time, and I couldn’t leave the building, but I can’t begin to tell you how rejuvenating an hour drinking coffee and watching a brick wall can be — just because I could. 

 

6. Read 

I’ve never been a voracious reader, but I’ve always enjoyed the escape. I’m just now going back to this after almost six years, one chapter a night before bed with a book I enjoy. On the nights I can’t, I read my kids two extra stories before bed. Because everyone loves a bedtime book, we both get lost in Seussville together. 

 

7. Inviting My Kids To Get To Know Me 

Sometimes there is no time for me. That’s the nature of the best. On those days, I try to pull my kids into doing things I enjoy like drawing, painting, or other creative things. Most days it’s a treat for us both if I’m not working dishes and laundry into a game of Hi Ho! Cherry-O. Sometimes that time is just a walk up the street and back sharing stories or playing “I spy.” 

 

8. Listen To Music Before Bed 

Pandora has spa music stations. It’s like a relaxing escape in ear buds. You’re welcome. 

 

9. I’m Mom, But I’m Also Me 

It’s important for my kids to know that Mommy has dreams. Mommy has a sense of humor and is all the things she is, in addition to being a mom and doing mom things. So, sometimes we bunk the schedule for the day and kiss the routine goodbye to go to the zoo or have ice cream for dinner because, really, who doesn’t love ice cream. 

 

10. Remember It’s Not Forever 

Someday those chickadees are going to fly the coop. You’ll be on your own with time to thumb-twiddle the hours away. Your house will stay clean, and no one will interrupt your hot cup of coffee on the back porch in the morning. 

It’s those years, the ones too far ahead to see, that you get to be you all the days, every day. You can pick up a book, go for a walk, and paint the day away. Until then, you do what you need to do for your family. But don’t forget about you. You matter. You are someone. Go fill your cup, leave your kids with their dad, and shop for some actual makeup for the real smokey eye look. Alone.


Bringing Home Baby – Hiring Newborn Care Specialist or Postpartum Doula

Having a strong support system is crucial for families bringing new babies home. That system can look different for every family, but the biggest help is man-power. Whether that means extended family coming to help, a partner that can take time off work, or hiring domestic staff, having an extra pair of hands can be essential for new moms.

Two common domestic staffing resources new parents use are Newborn Care Specialists and Postpartum Doulas. Who you decide to hire depends on the level of help you are looking for. Below is a quick summary of the two positions to help begin your search.

 

What is a Newborn Care Specialist?

Newborn Care Specialists (sometimes called Baby Nurses) provide focused infant care. They are highly educated individuals who work with new parents to understand newborn issues. Specialists usually live with the families for the first 3 to 6 months and work on a schedule that gives new parents plenty of rest time knowing their baby is being well-cared for. Some specialists are also available to live out and only work nights.

Newborn Care Specialists work to care for the baby. General responsibilities include:

Care of baby
Sleep training
Provide breastfeeding assistance
Establishing a regular eating schedule
Provide over-night care
Familiar with an apnea monitor, feeding systems and other medical equipment
Help organize nursery
Will be able to detect jaundice, reflux, colic, and other common newborn issues
Bathing, diapering
Bottle cleaning and sterilization

 

What is a Postpartum Doula?

Doulas work to give mothers and partners emotional, physical, and information support. You may begin working with a doula during pregnancy and during childbirth. A postpartum doula gives the same level of support after the baby is born. They usually come to the home a few hours a day or overnight for the first few months after bringing baby home.

A Postpartum Doula is dedicated to the care of the mother/family and provides evidenced based information on things such as:

infant feeding
emotional and physical recovery from birth
mother–baby bonding
infant soothing
run errands
perform light housekeeping duties
prepare meals
assist in breast feeding and baby basics
care for older siblings
local resources and support groups

 

You can find more information at:

https://www.baby-chick.com/what-is-a-postpartum-doula/#.V2r485MrJE4

http://ncsainfo.com/faq/

http://americanpregnancy.org/planning/


Infant CPR

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British American Household Staffing is now offering a C.P.R. class in collaboration with Birth Day Presence

Common Sense C.P.R. will teach Infant CPR plus Relief of Choking to expectant and new parents, grandparents and caregivers. 

You will learn:
Infant newborn CPR (age 0-11 months). You are encouraged to come while pregnant, but may come after the baby -infant is born.
Relief of Foreign Body Airway Obstruction (Choking)
Taxicab and Car-Seat Guidelines
Extensive baby infant Safety Tips

Each student will have a baby infant mannequin for ample hands-on practice. Students will leave with helpful handouts to keep at home. Babies and infants who have not yet started crawling are welcome.

Baby nurses and newborn care specialists are trained and certified infant and newborn caretakers.  British American represents baby nurses in New York who are fully trained, vetted with excellent references and certifications.  They help both the parents and the newborn (infant) with development, care, sleep training and feeding.  Some baby nurses have doula certifications.  A high quality baby nurse will work with the infant and parents on sleep training when the doctor deems appropriate timing and the infant is the correct weight. Professional and high quality baby nurses support the mother in areas such as lactation, breastfeeding, lactation, latching and more.  Please contact info@bahs.com for more information regarding hiring a baby nurse in NYC and in the USA and UK. 

Click here to sign up.

*Use code bahscprmaysingle for $25 off to individuals* 

*Use code bahscprmaycouple for $50 off to couples*


How to Find the Best Baby Nurse

Welcoming a baby into the world is as challenging as it is exciting. Once you have decided to hire a Baby Nurse or a Newborn Care Specialist, you have already taken a major step towards creating the most positive experience you can for both your newborn and your family. But how do you decide exactly who to hire? Keep reading for British American’s top tips for choosing the right Baby Nurse.

1.It’s never too early to start looking - some women book a Baby Nurse immediately after finding out that they are expecting. The earlier you start searching, the less stressed you will be as the due date arrives. And a happy mommy equals a happy baby!

2.Keep in mind that there are tons of Baby Nurses looking for work, especially in major cities like New York, Los Angeles, and London. To find the perfect person, consider working with a staffing agency that has experience with Nannies and Newborn Care Specialists. Agencies will meet with your family to help you figure out what type of personality is best suited to your needs and will take on the difficult work of sorting through candidates to find the best of the best. They will also help you in the interviewing process regarding what questions to ask, what to look for, and what to avoid.

3.When you interview a Baby Nurse, get an understanding of her techniques. Even if you don’t know what exactly you are looking for yet, you can get a sense of how she works. What sleep training methods does she use? Does she have any special certifications that could be useful, such as a lactation certification? Does she specialize in preemies, multiples, colic, psychological development of newborns, breastfeeding or surrogacy? Has she also been trained as a doula or a midwife? Finding someone that is knowledgeable and experienced in all realms of infant care is essential.

4.Check out her background; an agency can run background checks at the local, state and federal level, verify CPR certifications, and speak to her references. This means that when it comes time to interview, you won’t be wasting time with any under qualified candidates. Instead, you can focus on determining who clicks with you and your family, which is extremely important.

5.Finally, when deciding who to hire, trust your gut. Choose someone that is compatible with your family and who you completely trust with your baby. A Baby Nurse will become an integral part of the first few months of your child’s life, so be sure to choose wisely.

Learn more about hiring a Newborn Care Specialist

Learn about our Standards for hiring 

Learn about hiring a Newborn Care Specialist in California


Tips and Tricks for Traveling with Children

Although a vacation is intended as a relaxing experience, it is rarely so. Planning a trip presents enough of a challenge in and of itself, but executing it without a few glitches is a difficult feat. Throw a few energetic toddlers into the mix and the prospect of a stress-free trip seems nearly impossible.

But fear not, because here at BAHS we have compiled a few of our favorite tips to help you make the most of a family vacation. Follow these suggestions and it will be smooth sailing (or flying) from here on out!

1. Plan, Plan, Plan

When it comes to traveling, especially with children, planning is absolutely key. A few days before your trip, create a list of all your travel must-haves. Don’t forget to pack any medications your family may need, and if you have especially young children always pack extra baby supplies such as diapers and formula. You never know when you may need it! Make sure to pack essentials in carry-ons. In the case of lost luggage, you don’t want to be running around a country or state you don’t know, looking for diapers. If you have a personal assistant or a house manager, they can help you create a comprehensive plan and travel itinerary.

2. Be Airport-Ready

Preparing for a flight is a lot of work and preparing a child that has little-to-no flying experience is even harder. Keep your child comfortable by dressing them in layers, as airports and planes are notorious for unpredictable temperatures. Make the security process as easy as possible by having your child wear slip-off shoes and pack all valuables and electronics for the family in one carry-on bag. Check with the TSA before your flight, as the restrictions on liquids often don’t apply to diaper bags. Make sure to pack disposable wipes so that you can disinfect any germy surfaces on the plane itself.

3. Go Hands-Free

A bulky stroller creates a lot of hassle. Instead, opt for a baby-carrier for infants, as it frees up your hands so that you can pull luggage behind you, and makes boarding the plane much easier. Often times, the staff at your hotel can refer you to a stroller rental service for when you actually get to your destination.

4. Keep Kids Informed

Traveling can be overwhelming for young kids; it is new, hectic, and there is a ton of sensory stimulation. In order to keep kids calm, be sure to narrate the processes that you are going through as they happen. Kids will feel much less intimidated this way. If you can, schedule a flight during naptime and stick to your routine. Consistency helps children and babies feel grounded.

5. Keep Them Entertained

Bring activities for toddlers to do on the plane; a mix of old and new is key here. Toys and activities that are old favorites are comforting in an unusual situation, but don’t underestimate novelty. One or two new toys or activities will keep kids entertained for hours, buying time on a long flight.

6. Stay Positive

Remember to keep a positive attitude and stay calm. Happiness is contagious and if you are in a calm and content state of mind, your child will be too.

7. Enlist Help

Last but not least, enlist the help of a Nanny. If you have a newborn, consider a Baby Nurse or Newborn Care Specialist.  Having an extra person on a vacation is invaluable; it can help to keep kids entertained, calm, and happy. Consider consulting a nanny agency to help you find the right person! A Nanny can help with keeping children on a routine, they can help organize the airport process, and they can watch the children so that you have a chance to relax. You worked hard for a vacation, after all!

Learn more about hiring a Nanny 

Learn more about hiring a Newborn Care Specialist 

Learn more about hiring a House Manager



 


Michael Kormos Photography offered these pro photo tips to creating your own fabulous infant photos.

Michael Kormos Photography is a partner of British American Household Staffing and British American Baby Nurses and offers photo tips for newborns. Many thanks to them for this blog and for giving our readers crucial tips on how to create perfect photos dedicated to this precious part of life. Michael and Sophie understand that the newborn stage is all-too-fleeting and they go to great lengths to ensure that parents can look back on these photos and remember how it felt to welcome a new addition to the family.

"As professional family photographers, parents are always asking us for advice on capturing better pictures of their babies.  Newborns are especially delicate, and require a lot of experience to be handled safely and posed beautifully.  Attention to detail is of the utmost importance to capture those perfect moments that will be treasured forever. 

Photography Tips: Newborns

LIGHTING. As with any portraits, you’ll generally want to use soft, subtle light.  Position your baby near a window, and use a sheer curtain or white sheet to diffuse the light.

POSING. The best time to capture posed newborn portraits is while your baby is asleep.  Bear in mind that infants sleep most deeply when their little bellies are full, and their diapers are dry. The key to successful newborn portraits is a generous feeding beforehand, so your baby is calm and content for a variety of concepts.  In the first few weeks after birth, newborns have a natural tendency toward that adorable fetal curl.  Once they’re asleep, you’ll be able to gently position their little hands and feet without resistance.  It’s always nice to see a glimpse of little fingers and toes in a full-body pose.

CLOSE-UPS. There are so many precious details to capture in those first few weeks after birth.  Take pictures of her feathery eyelashes, flaky skin, pouty lips, the peach fuzz on her shoulders... We love capturing a composition with baby’s tiny fingers next to her brand-new belly button.  Baby’s tiny toes are also a favorite.  Close-up portraits allow you to accentuate the details, which are miniature works of art that you’ll treasure forever. 

SCALE.  Emphasize your newborn’s petite proportions by incorporating simple props, such as a favorite stuffed animal.  We love to capture baby’s hand clutching Mom’s finger, or baby’s body curled up perfectly in Dad’s hands.  You can even use your wedding rings on baby’s toes to show scale in a meaningful way.

MINIMAL PROPS.  Soft colors and textures add a nice touch to newborn portraits.  Creams and neutral palettes are especially flattering for skin tones.  Lay your baby on a soft blanket, or wrap her in a cozy swaddle cloth.  Always make sure that any fabrics have been freshly washed with hypoallergenic detergent.  We also love to use hand-knit mohair bonnets and dainty headbands from Etsy for added variety.

LIFESTYLE. There’s no better place to create precious memories than a home filled with the love and excitement of a brand new baby.  You’ve put so much effort into perfecting your baby’s nursery, and it’s a pity not to feature all of the adorable details. There are many creative ways to incorporate nursery décor and accents to really personalize your newborn portraits.  We love photographing infants in their crib.  Through the slats is a very creative perspective, or even shooting from above with the mobile in the foreground. The best approach for lifestyle photography is to have images flow like a story, so keep that in mind as you photograph.  It’s truly a beautiful way to tell a newborn story.

Years from now, you’ll look at these photos, and be reminded of the sweetness of your newborn baby, those first cuddles and tender emotions.  It may just be a short story of a lovely afternoon, but it’s a story that will be treasured for a lifetime."

Michael Kormos Photography is a boutique family photography studio located in the heart of Midtown Manhattan.  As a husband-and-wife team, Michael and Sophie work together to create a relaxed and enjoyable experience, while capturing your most precious memories as beautiful works of art.  “Like” them on Facebook and check out their site to continue being inspired by their beautiful work!


10 Must Have Tips For Finding The Right Baby Nurse or Doula

Baby Nurse or Doula:

10 Must Have Tips For Finding The Right Baby Nurse or Doula

When I was pregnant with my daughter and looking for a baby nurse, I found the process daunting.  I wasn’t sure where to begin, what questions to ask, and what to even expect once I hired one.  After going through the process, meeting many other moms who went through their own searches, and talking with many baby nurses and doulas—I feel much more informed.  And now I’d like to pass these tips onto you so you have an easier time getting started.

5 Tips for finding your Baby Nurse

Start your search as early as you can.  Some women book their baby nurses within days of finding out they’re pregnant, so the longer you wait, the fewer available baby nurses there will be.  But, if you’re nearing your due date and haven’t booked a baby nurse yet, don’t panic.  You can still find someone great—you may just have to dig a little deeper.
There are a lot of baby nurses in the local New York area, which means that you have flexibility in the hours you want!  If you don’t want someone 24/7 then you don’t have to make that type of commitment.  She can commute to you for just nights or just days.
Ask her about her approach to establishing a sleep routine and if you are going to breastfeed, her approach on breastfeeding.  Does she advocate for supplementing with formula?  When would she suggest introducing the bottle?  There are different schools of thought for both sleep and feeding, and even if you don’t fully know what you want to do and how you want to do it, you’ll still get a sense if your thinking aligns.
When interviewing a baby nurse ask about her family and what she likes to do - it’s the best way to get to know a person and see if you are comfortable with her.  And being comfortable with your baby nurse, and feeling like you “click” is extremely important.
Interview carefully.  Evaluate her certifications (which can include Infant Care Specialist, infant CPR, LPN, LVN RN), years of experience and skill level, and find out if this is somebody you are comfortable with.  You can use Rate My Baby Nurse’s Baby Nurse Interview Questions to get started.

5 Tips for finding your Doula

Observe the doula during the interview.  Does she listen to you?  Does she involve your partner in the conversation?  She should do both, and both are important for a positive experience.  Here is a list of Doula Interview Questionsto get you started.

Do you connect with this person?  Will you want her by your side during your labor and delivery, or in the weeks that follow?  Will you feel comfortable communicating with her?
If you’ve already chosen your OB or Midwife and know where you are delivering, find out if the doula you are interviewing has experience working with any of them.  Also get a sense if the experiences were positive.
Determine if your doula has experience with any personal circumstances or goals you may have, and if her philosophies on childbirth or postpartum decisions align with yours.  For instance if you are considering an epidural what does she think about that?
Research whomever you are considering.  Check certifications (some include DONA, CAPPA, ICEA, ALACE) and references.  Determine how much training she has had, as different certification programs involve varying levels.  And especially for a postpartum doula run a background check.   

Don’t ignore your gut feeling.  It’s there for a reason, so follow it!  And of course research whomever you are considering.  Check certifications and references, and run a background check.

Check out mamaviews.com for a comprehensive list of interview questions to get started:
Baby Nurse Interview Questions
Doula Interview Questions

Melissa Lutzke is the founder of  www.mamaviews.com, the largest national review site fully dedicated to providing real parent feedback on baby nurses and doulas. Moms can search based on important criteria like reliability, infant care knowledge and trustworthiness. You can reach Melissa at Melissa@mamaviews.com.


The Desire for Butlers is Increasing Worldwide

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In his insightful article, Pádraig Belton highlights the growing popularity of new-age butlers:

"The stereotype of a butler as a lifelong position held by an older man is no longer the case. Many butlers are career changers. With cutbacks in the armed forces, many butlers were previously in military service. There are also a good number of former actors, unsurprising given the element of performance required in the role. The average age of a newly employed butler is 41.

‘Super-butlers’ – those who boast good references from the stateliest hotels or who work for particularly wealthy principals are becoming more and more desired. Whereas regular butler salaries average from $57,000 to $71,000, these super-butlers easily earn  $143,000 to $157,000 annually. One such super-butler is John Deery, in his mid-40s and a native of Northern Ireland. Along with planning travel arrangements for his principal, a businessman, and valeting, serving meals, and making sure visas are up to date, Deery manages three of his employer’s properties. One is in the Balkans with 34 staff, there is a London residence with another 12, and a third is being developed.

'You need to know when to be in the background, not too intrusive, very respectful of his time and space to ensure his comfort at all times and that the household runs like clockwork,' Deery says. 'You have to be on your toes, very dedicated, and you don’t have too much of a private life. But I have to say, I love it.'

The butlers of yesteryear may not have approved. But it seems safe to assume that they would, at least, be glad to see their profession flourishing."

To read the full article published by BBC Capital, please click here.


Common Sense C.P.R.

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British American Household Staffing is now offering a C.P.R. class in collaboration with Birth Day Presence

Common Sense C.P.R. will teach Infant CPR plus Relief of Choking to expectant and new parents, grandparents and caregivers. 

You will learn:
Infant newborn CPR (age 0-11 months). You are encouraged to come while pregnant, but may come after the baby -infant is born.
Relief of Foreign Body Airway Obstruction (Choking)
Taxicab and Car-Seat Guidelines
Extensive baby infant Safety Tips

Each student will have a baby infant mannequin for ample hands-on practice. Students will leave with helpful handouts to keep at home. Babies and infants who have not yet started crawling are welcome.

British American Household Staffing will present and discuss baby nurses and newborn care specialists in NYC available for night nurse care.  Baby nurses and newborn care specialists are trained and certified infant and newborn caretakers.  British American represents baby nurses in New York who are fully trained, vetted with excellent references and certifications.  They help both the parents and the newborn (infant) with development, care, sleep training and feeding.  Some baby nurses have doula certifications.  A high quality baby nurse will work with the infant and parents on sleep training when the doctor deems appropriate timing and the infant is the correct weight. Professional and high quality baby nurses support the mother in areas such as lactation, breastfeeding, lactation, latching and more.  Please contact info@bahs.com for more information regarding hiring a baby nurse in NYC and in the USA and UK.

Click here to sign up.

*Use code bahs to save $15 on registration*


New Services Offered at British American

2016 brings a specialized division of British American Household Staffing specifically related to high quality, trained and professional baby nurses and newborn care specialists.  British American Household Staffing has long wanted to provide for a much needed high quality channel for these services in the USA.  We are launching a website dedicated to these professionals and only a select few baby nurses and newborn care specialists will pass our rigorous interview and vetting processes. Baby nurses and newborn care specialists are trained and certified infant and newborn caretakers.  British American represents baby nurses in New York who are fully trained, vetted with excellent references and certifications, which can be rare to find, especially on the East Coast of the USA.  A top quality baby nurse will help both the parents and the newborn (infant) with development, care, sleep training and feeding and bring many other skills to the table.  Some baby nurses have doula certifications and all top quality professional baby nurses and newborn care specialists will be gentle, loving and a supportive presence in the home.  A high quality baby nurse will work with the infant and parents on sleep training when the doctor deems appropriate timing and the infant is the correct weight. Professional and high quality baby nurses support the mother in areas such as lactation, breastfeeding, latching and more.  Please contact enquiries@bahs.com for more information regarding hiring a baby nurse in NYC and in the USA and UK.

The start of a new year brings exciting developments for the British American brand. 2016 will see the launch of two specialist services separate from staffing: Talent Management and Art Consultancy, based in NY, LA and London. More information on our Talent Management and Production branch can be found at www.bahs.com/talent and more information on our Art Consultancy branch can be found at www.bahs.com/art.

If you are an agent, producer or casting director email us at: talent@bahs.com.

If you are an artist wishing to submit your information, email us at submissions@bahs.com.  We specialize in British and foreign artists in addition to US residents and citizens. 

To arrange a consultation at British American for art collection or investment advice, please email info@bahs.com.  We specialize in fine and traditional art.  Our expertise and access spans from emerging and mid-career artists to old masters.

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BAHS is planning upcoming events in this category. Details will be published here in the near future.

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